InBlogNito

So this has all come round REAL fast, and while I kinda knew it was coming up soon, I didn’t actually realise just how many big decisions I need to make about the ‘future’, or at least what 2007 has in store for me.

So here are my options:

a) Reapply for my hostel job, be an RA for the THIRD year in a row, and do my Honours year (which I don’t want to do)

b) Work a shitty job that requires twice as many hours as the RA job and do my Honours year (which I don’t want to do)

c) Work for a year, save money, come back for Honours in 2008 when I can do it without having a job (which I don’t want to do, and realistically, would I actually come back?)

d) Skip the whole Honours thing and just start earning some money (which is damn appealing, but I really need Honours to get into the career path I most want to follow)

What I would love more than anything in the world to be able to do my Honours year and do it well, without the pressure of two part time jobs and living where I work and all that stuff. Obviously that is not an option, and option A is the best. However, I really don’t know that I can stand living with all these rigid rules and having a job that is just a whenever you’re needed thing, rather than set hours. I especially don’t think I can be bothered with the whole managerial/office politics BS that is going on. And that’s even if they offer my the job! I have been so damn busy studying that I didn’t even know there was a new roster out, it had been out for a week! It’s bloody obvious I’m not pulling my weight right now, but it’s not cos I’m slacking off, it’s cos I’m studying, and next year there will be even more study to do.

There *might* be other things that will come up, maybe I get a summer internship and they can offer me some part time work for next year, which would pay fantastically, and be worth investing my time in. But I wouldn’t know that until December or January.. Scholarships are also an option, cept I won’t get them cos I’m just not quite good enough, there’s always someone better than me. And I need definate answers now, most scholarship decisions aren’t made until half way through the year you’re getting it for.

The other thing with the RA job is that you have to finish your summer job a month earlier than everyone else cos of training, and that’s an extra $2k I could be earning!

There is one last option, I like to think of it as option Z, cos there are at least 25 more options in front of it (prostitution or living under a bridge are both more appealing than option Z). The mere thought of having to go through with this option sends me into a panic and the tears start welling.

here it is…

z)  Ask the parents to pay for my accommodation so I can stay at uni and get my Honours without having to work

It would have to be an outright gift, couldn’t be a loan. When I started Uni I anticipated a $15k loan at the end of it. It’s now going to be over $40, loaning extra from my parents would make it closer to $50. That’s over three times as much as I anticipated spending. That’s a LOT of money/debt when we’re dealing with 5 figures here.

But I really don’t know that I can ask. It feels like begging.

So fucking STRESSED OUT at the mere thought of approaching this option. My parents aren’t really approachable in this way. In fact not at all approachable. Every time I’ve asked for money I’ve had to jump through so many damn hoops just to loan enough to pay my text books or something like that. It’s barely even worth it. And this is despite the fact that I am WAY better with money now than when I was when I had three times the income, and that the money is for actual valuable stuff (not like when I used to borrow money every week for mine and my bf’s ‘habits’, among the various other options such as selling all my shit, borrowing from loan sharks, racking up huge debts with the ‘proprietors’ and so on!).

Not sure I wanted to share that aspect of my past, it’s one I keep very much hidden from the world in general, lucky no one would EVER suspect me of being that sort of person. Just the same way as people from that era of my life ever believe I am where I am now, even though this was always my plan/destiny.

Argh, anyways, before I give away all my secrets, I’m gonna go get some sleep and try not to stress about this for a few more days. I have time. albeit not much time. but time enough to get through my assessments and have a wee break, holidays start on friday, two whole weeks of no classes!!