InBlogNito

I haven’t really felt like posting the last few days, I have been enjoying my last day of working at the bagel shop, last weekend of ‘holiday’ break, last days without flatmates. That’s all over now, it’s back to classes, back to assignments, back to the big decision making time. I was absolutely dead set on doing my Honours, even up to this morning. But then I searched for government jobs and found a graduate position that looks quite cool, so I applied for it. I figure the interview experience alone will be worth it. I’d be working with my cousin though, I know it’s the same area, and I think even the same team/group thing. Not that that’s a bad thing, without her I might not even be in this position today! She was my tutor when I first signed up part time to uni to study sociology, and helped me enormously with my first assignments and things. Who knows, without her I may have ended up lost amongst the 300 other people and never bothered to go back. So we’ll see…

I also have to reapply for my current job, I finally got the courage up to ask the parents for some financial assistance for next year, so that I can concentrate 100% on my study. Text from mum today said I have to wait at least six weeks to find out! They are going away for a month in two weeks, so I knew the timing wasn’t great, so to speak, but I really didn’t think it was that big of a decision! Supporting your daughter through her final year of uni after she’s worked so damn hard to get an A average, worked 2 jobs for most of that time, and done everything in her power to put herself into a fantastic position that will be attractive to employers? No-brainer I would have thought, but obviously my and my parents don’t think alike!  Otherwise I wouldn’t even be in this stressed out MESS right now. For me, I wouldn’t hesitate to pay my kids way through uni, but whatever. Even if they said NO right away, which I expect anyway, at least I would know and I could plan. My mum muttered something about borrowing the money, but I said I can’t, I cannot borrow ONE MORE CENT for this whole damn debarcle.

Is it really that selfish or assumptive to believe that my parents should help me out? I signed up for this mess (kinda, change of rules means I’m in 3 times as much shit as I was led to believe initially), so I know I should be the one to get myself out and shouldn’t expect someone to just bail me out everytime I get into debt. But still, this isn’t like I borrowed on a stupid car and can’t afford the repayments, or something like that, this is an investment in my education! Plus the reason I receive no government support is because I am considered dependant on my parents, until July of next year when I turn 25. The govt expect them to help me, but don’t enforce it.

For now though, I have to reapply for my job, in case parents say no and I need the job to get my accommodation covered. And even then I’m highly doubtful I will get the job back. The managers want new people and 2nd years, they don’t want people in their 4th year of study or 3rd year of RA-ing, because those people quit, after they realise they don’t have the time or the energy to commit to the job as well as is needed. And I know I don’t have the time and won’t have the energy to put 100% into the job, I don’t know how the fuck I’ll convince them I can in the interview when I know for a fact that I can’t do it! Without that 10-15 hour a week job though I would need to work 20-30 hours a week elsewhere, which is of course even less doable.

So from this morning believing 100% that I would be back at Uni for honours next year, now I’m about 80% thinking I will cut and run and start working so I can start digging my way out of this enormous hole we are forced to put ourselves into just to try and get ahead in life. How is it getting ahead when you start soooooo damn far behind the people who left school and started working straight away? Even the people on unemployment benefits are better off than we are at first!