InBlogNito

I’m feeling some bullet points are in order today…

• First up, I’m practically ecstatic that the surgery seems to have been a huge success fatigue/concentration-wise. I have written over 2000 words for my first essay and have read and actually taken in so much information that I could probably write about 5000 words (3000 limit) on a topic which actually has very little academic material written about it! Last year I basically lost the ability to read. I could barely sit through one paragraph and the words I read meant absolutely nothing to me. I also had eight hours of class on Friday, I sat through it all, and largely followed the lecturer (yes, there was daydreaming, but it was day dreaming, not fighting a huge battle to keep my damn eyes open). I started to lose it in the 3rd session of the day, but it’s far more likely this is because I wasn’t in bed before midnight any night that week. One coffee and one chocolate bar later and I was set for the final session.

• I just filed for this tax return thing online. It seems kinda dodgy, they say they are IRD certified blah blah blah. I couldn’t find any reference to them on the IRD website (but then why would they advertise refunds anyways!), but I did check the criteria for refunds and I meet at least 3 of them over the past 5 years. I did some quick figures and even for the past year IRD reckon I would get about $500+ (finally, some benefit in waiting MONTHS for work to process pay rises and allowances, apparently the lump sums throw your tax out of whack). I’ve seen these booths at the mall where you can get it done, but I found an online one just now, and they only charge 12.5% fees, other places were up to 36% depending on how much you got back. I could ring the IRD direct and not get charged any fees, but I’d run the risk of being stung with a bill, if the online place finds a bill they just delete the application. Anyways, in 24 hours I should know! 12.5% of money I wasn’t even expecting isn’t too bad.

• Had arranged a meet up with J today, I’m heading away on Tuesday for a week and I really wanted to catch up with him before I went and hear about his trip (seriously!), but he is super sick and rescheduled for a drink after work tomorrow. Was gutted because I was all set to go in my good jeans, perfume that he likes (thanks Mary!) and I was having a good hair day, which is really hard when you haven’t had a haircut since your cousin’s wedding in Feb. I know, it’s shocking, but I’m used to being a student, where haircuts are left till you get to the point where you have to find the money to prevent taking to it with your own scissors because it is just too long - next cousin is getting married in a month, so will be back to the hairdresser soon!

• I’m going home for a whole week, absolute luxury (I won’t be saying that 3 days in I bet!), it’s going to be so good to actually have TIME to see people. K is coming with me, so I gotta think of ways to entertain her for 3 days. It’s really hard to be a tourist in your home town! I was thinking we could go the zoo I always went to when I was little and this other wildlife park, but they are like $25 each to get in!!! The only thing the zoo there has that ours doesn’t is a rhino. Pfft, who cares, seen them before, doubt they’ve changed that much in 15 years. So maybe the wildlife park, cos that will be a little different and you can feed the animals. Then she goes on this camp thing for the weekend, so I get time with the family and my friend and her kids. Plus my friend N is also in town at the same time (we both go there all the time, but never at the same time!), so while his gf is on her course (yea, I picked the time to avoid her haha) we are gonna catch up for a coffee. The only thing I don’t have sorted is a car, so I’m hoping my mum has been hinting heavily to my brother that I’m coming and I’ll want his car. I have a back-up plan, which is to bribe him with rides to and from work and a full tank of petrol when I’m done.

• So that’s the good stuff… on the not-so-good front, I’m getting nowhere on the job front, I really wanted this one job and didn’t even get an interview. They emailed me and I read it at work, which was kinda stupid, but also good, because at least I couldn’t fall apart completely there, I was really gutted. I’m thinking of ringing them and asking about my application, just to check that my application is fine and that it was because I’m actually not right for the job. It was an agency, not the actual business, so I could do that and let them know what I’m interested in and maybe register for future opportunities. I also stopped taking my medication. I feel like things are all over the place and I’m sure all the different meds I’ve been taking for various things are not helping, so I cut right back on the prescribed meds and am just taking a multi-vit and one of those 1million good bacteria things every day. Am off the pill for *that* week and due to start it again tomorrow. I’m considering not picking that up again either, I’m not on it for baby-prevention reasons, so it’s not like that’s an issue… we’ll see. Maybe not the best time to cut certain meds considering I’m about to enter the most stressful month at work, but I’ve already been off for 10 days and have the week off ahead to acclimatise further. So far it’s going okay though, I’m not great, but I’m no worse (yet).

• Finally, here’s a pic of elephant number 2, he’s a work in progress, I’ll do the second side either tonight or tomorrow (probably tonight given that I’ll be having at least one drink tomorrow!) and then take it home to use mum’s machine for some gold embroidery. I found some awesome elephant fabric that I’m going to use for his underbody bit, and I also cut out an elephant for the starting point:

I was trying to go for a more indian inspired elephant… didn’t really work out lol, but it will still look awesome when it’s done, I don’t think you can wrong with this elephant.

Dunno why, but I was thinking about my knees and that song from my childhood popped into my head… Anyways, after the last long blathery post I thought I’d try this again. You will probably also see me post a lot more often now that Uni has started. I mastered the art of procrastination a long time ago (something to do with being a perfectionist, we tend to procrastinate. Plus I’m a Leo, I think that adds to the mix). My movie/dvd viewing, non-curricula book reading, house cleaning (don’t even look at my house right now though!) and general time wasting activities sky rocket right around the time essays are due and exams are happening.

Right now I’m supposed to be writing an essay on Social Security. Something I have zero interest in. Although it is kinda nice to read about some more recent policy changes, as in past 20 years, if I have to read the words Reagen/Rogernomics, corporatisation and privatisation one more time…

Bored yet? Me too, that’s why I’m writing this.  Back to the knees, and you know what? I don’t think I ever blogged about it, but I fell over pretty bad 2 months ago. I stepped outside to do some washing (washing!) and bam! Hit the deck, legs went sideways at the knees, ouchies. Seeing as I was brought up with little sympathy to not make a fuss about a little boo-boo, I iced them for an hour and went to bed. Maybe I took some painkillers too… but also a good chance I did not. Slept on my back which I NEVER do. Could barely get out of bed in the morning for a trip to bathroom (try sitting down to do your business with two busted knees) and definitely couldn’t get in the shower, get dressed, walk to the bus stop and go to work. So I did have a day off (and I cried when it happened, that’s how much it hurt), but then I hobbled around for the next week, taking painkillers and anti-flamms (cept I couldn’t never coordinate the damn things and either felt sick or didn’t take anything), when it FINALLY occurred to me that I could go see a doctor! And for free! We have this crazy one-of-a-kind, nothing like it anywhere else, public insurance scheme that covers costs associated with injuries resulting from accidents.

So I ended up at physio, and they said ‘4-6 weeks’. After four I was at my osteo because I wasn’t getting anywhere with the physio (they kept strapping them which I don’t think helped. Also I got the rash from ‘nam from the tape, it was sooo freaking itchy, but I did have heaps of fun grossing people out at work by showing it off!). I’d thrown my pelvis out too, which explained the completely lopsided, permanently drunk walk I had going on, even when my knees weren’t in pain. Seeing as I busted them both, limping wasn’t really helping any anyway, they were both screwed. So the osteo straightened me up, but after 6 weeks I was thinking ‘this hasn’t gotten any better in the last 4 weeks’. Apparently (according to the osteo, and she must be right cos I’m still in pain) the physio was wrong, it’s going to take longer. In part because I was walking around with 1/3 my pelvis thrown way forward, but also because it was just a REALLY bad accident. Osteo’s words, not my own whinging, sympathy seeking words, she made it sound like the equivalent of a broken bone or laceration that just about bled me dry, so I don’t know where it really was in the grand scheme of things. I was most unimpressed at the physical appearance, I was expected black and blue and yellow and green knees, but nada. A little swelling (though it was hard to tell, there’s so much fat hanging around plus I had nothing to compare them too, they were either both swollen or both not), but that was it.

So here we are, two months later (well 7 weeks and some days) and finally, and this week I feel better. I think I’m finally getting somewhere. I even managed to get out of bed the last couple of days without having to hobble stiffly for the first 5 minutes, and the pain hasn’t woken me up as I’ve moved around in bed (I have a heavy ass wool duvet that my knees couldn’t lift up lol). It’s a huge relief to actually see some progress over the past week, because I was getting really worried, but the Osteo assured me that I didn’t need to see a Dr or have a scan, it was just taking TIME.

At least it kept me busy while the the lawyer was away… wouldn’t have been quite so fun if he was around, his house has lots of stairs for a start, not to mention other activities…

And he’s back, I spoke to him on Sunday, he’s sick as a dog though so I’m staying right away haha. Yes, Mary, he’s still around, he’s just been away. Hopefully I’ll catch up with him this weekend (will be putting it off till Saturday, everyone’s favourite aunt (Dot) is in town for the week). I think it’s going to be okay with us, that’s the feeling I get. I thought it might be all different after he’d been away for six weeks (I also had this stupid idea in my head that he might meet someone over there, someone better, as in someone older and someone who doesn’t want kids), but I think (hope?!) we’ll just pick up where we left off, having a couple of days a week together at his house and going back to our lives for the rest. I really like do like this set up, despite the fact it’s probably still screwing with my subconscious mind. I can fly away whenever I like, no need to check in (which is just as well cos I’m flying back and forth like a yo-yo to the home town between now and christmas), no need to work around someone elses schedule.

Also, one last thing, I’M GETTING MY LOUNGE BACK!!!!! Thank the Lord, or whoever it was who intervened and provided this blessed miracle. The flatmate sold the couch, really not getting the logic seeing as we move out in less than 3 months anyways?! (and she’s buying a house apparently). But who cares, it’s GOING!!! OUT OF HERE!!! I can restore my living room and once again RELAX in my own house. I feel more relaxed in my head already…

And also (this really is the last thing), I found this awesome stationery company today, NZ owned, operated and produced (though all their prices are in USD, but at least I’m not paying US intl shipping rates which usually converts into way more NZD than the actual product is worth), they have some really really really cute stuff, I have a wishlist already and will place an order next pay day (dentist sucked me dry today, convinced me to have a cavity filled at what was supposed to be a check up). www.nutandbee.com, check it out!

Hope you all take note of the newest edition to my blog roll over there —>

This links to the 52 Weeks of Community project I’ve been a member of since the beginning of the year when it started. I can’t say I’ve taken part in every week’s task, but I have undertaken most! We reached a milestone this week, 26 weeks, halfway through! It’s heaps of fun and you should check it out if you haven’t already.

I’ve had a few things going on in my mind lately, though it might be a good idea to share them. Just little thoughts, which is nice for a change from the OTT I hate my house, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate myself kinda stuff. The lawyer gets back tomorrow… cannot believe 6 weeks has gone by. The first week was soooooo long, then it got easier, and I think I managed to relax and gain some peace with my situation. I don’t know why or what has done it. I’ll tell you what didn’t help, a trip to the counsellor. I did it to keep my boss happy, but what a complete waste of time. It was a while ago now, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here, I can’t be bothered checking though.

She was one of those stereotypical counsellors, droned on and on and on… she seemed to spend more time talking about herself more than anything. I explained the situation, and that there is nothing I can do about. I took the wrong job, but I’m stuck with it until I find a new one and there’s no getting out of my current lease till 8 November. What I was hoping for (I actually had no expectations, but this would have helped at least) was some strategies for dealing with all this, as there was no quick solution. I just have to wait and bide my time, and what I need to do is cope somehow in the interim. What she gave me was a whole lot of meditation, grounding, psychological BS that was in no way helpful to me personally. I’m a practical scientific person. I also have no attention span and cannot do nothing/relax/sit and just "think". Those things just aren’t for me.

I also explained that I had been through two years of knowing something was wrong with me and suffering severe fatigue while visiting a series of doctors and being told it was anything from having mono 8 years ago to the fact I was overweight. Over two years my stress levels were building and building (prior to this I had no concept of what stress was, and couldn’t understand why people felt this way!) and then the stress bubble finally burst at the same time I realised I was in a bad job and when the stupid flatmate issues began. I explained that I’d had the surgery and was now in a place where I couldn’t understand why such a simple problem, that was resolved within a month of finally seeing the right specialist, took so damn long to sort out. So after all this rubbish about me supposedly ‘not being validated’ (I would have just said the Dr’s were just plain fucking stupid and didn’t listen to a thing I said, but whatver) and ‘I wonder if something happened in your childhood…’ (seriously? You wanna go there? Within 4 free sessions? Lets just leave that lid on, it’s been there firmly for a long time, in fact I’d say it’s fairly well glued shut now), I walked out. She asked if I thought it would be useful to book another time. I looked at her, probably as though she was as stupid as every other doctor I’ve seen in the past 2-3years. And then said ‘no’.

That is so not where I was going with this post… I was going to say the lawyer is coming home this weekend, and that I’m wondering if I should splurge on some new underwear! I hate my body, and never feel sexy, but he always comments on which underwear he likes and says I look fine. Plus my face is having a massive breakout right now so any attention away from there is good! I don’t know when I’ll even see him. He gets home Sunday, goes straight to work Monday (I told him he’s stupid) and so I’m guessing maybe next weekend. Hopefully, cos then I’m away for 6 days after that. Might go do a little shopping later today. I’m also going to ask him to help me write a letter of complaint to the student medical service, I have all my records that show all my visits to complain about the fatigue, and also the menstrual complaints. I never put two and two together, but I would expect the doctor should have, esp seeing as some endo prevalence stats are quite high. The lawyer works in the health area, so I’m hoping he will be useful for something other than the obvious .

Also to be completed before I go away is an essay on social security *yawn*. I hate social policy. It probably forms something like 80% of government policy, but I hate it. It’s just too big. I’d rather know a lot about a really small, unique, but key area of policy. I actually don’t even know that I want to do policy work at all, I’m thinking that for my move to the public sector (was planned for 4 years time, but am thinking it need to happen sooner) I’d like to go into editing and publishing. I’m a hopeless writer (see all above posts for examples!), but I love the writing process for work, and the publishing and the editing and peer reviewing and all that stuff. There’s a 1 year qual I can do, I’d like to enrol in that in 2010, so I’ve got 18 months to get some $$ together. It would also be great to get some experience, so I’ve applied for a public service job but in the publishing area. It would be a massive pay cut, but I think I’m just gonna have to wear it. It’s not like I have any financial responsibility, I don’t strictly speaking need the money, I would still have an above average income. It just means living alone as an option gets wiped clean off the board… Gotta choose, the money and sanity at home, or the job and sanity at work… we’ll see what happens if I ever get offered a job. Will just have to assess the salary offer, do the budget, and see what will work.

Anyways, this post is not going anywhere right now… so not the angle I was going for. Another think I was gonna mention is this weird cold that I think I have. I woke up at like 3am and sneezed and blew my nose non-stop for like 45 mins. I was shocked by the amount of tissues by my bed when I got up (so gross, my bin is now nowhere near my bed since all the house rearranging drama). Then I got back to sleep, same thing when I woke up, but not as bad. Took some coldrex which seemed to help dry things up. I’m totally confused though. Is this actually a cold? I never had a cold like this before. They usually start with a sore throat, and I’m usually only a serious sneezer during hayfever season. Anyways, I feel ok now, so I’m gonna head out shopping for fabric for flatmate’s birthday elephant, having the sides sewn up before I go away is yet another thing on the list. Have a great weekend.

I’ve always loooooved going to stationery shops and drooling over looking at all the pretty pens, and brand new notebooks and notepads, and the writing sets. Maybe because my grandma worked in one, and we share the same love of those sorts of things? Who knows… Anyway, for the past few years I’ve kept my fetish at bay, I still loved the first week of classes each semester, but I think the novelty wore off a little more each time because I knew that by the end of the semester everything would be a mess and there’d be a ton of late nights trying to get everything finished. Last year I even bought these odd shaped, ugly covered, bad paper notebooks from a dollar store.

However, after a break from study I’m feeling refreshed, I splurged on a pretty notebook (that cost a small fortune!) and one of my favourite pens (for studying only! Also expensive and they don’t last long). Then I read about Kari’s cool freebies from Vista Print, and clicked on over to the site, and found out I was actually eligible! Even though I’m in NZ! I was so excited that I went a little crazy, and even ordered a couple of things that weren’t free (postage can be big $$ from the US, so I made the most of it!), including personalised post-it’s for the flatmate.

Then I found two more sites with cute stationery last night. I was reading Dooce and found a link to Ecojot (it’s a flash site with not-too-annoying bells and whistles), then another blog (sorry, can’t remember whose!) directed me to Smiggle. I couldn’t believe it, three awesome sites in one night, all very randomly! Sadly ecojet and smiggle are overseas sites and I couldn’t see a way of shipping to NZ. I emailed Smiggle in Australia and asked if they ship here and how much it costs. They have so many cute things, like all sorts of shapes of paper clips and erasers, and cool notebooks of course. Ecojot are sold here in one bookstore chain apparently, though I’m guessing the range is limited and they are pricey, but I will check it out next time I’m at the bookstore.

For now at least I get to look forward to delivery in approximately 21 days of all my Vista Print goodies

Here we are, as promised, my latest quilting project:

Click on the picture above to see more angles on Flickr, including his cute little tail!

He turned out really well, it was a tough class, not only was I learning a new quilting technique, but it was very random. I don’t much like random, I preferred the class where everything had to be 2.5" and cut straight as an arrow. But look how that ended up, I have a perfect quilt top, but never got around to finishing it! I will get back onto that, probably after the semester finishes seeing as I’m back to studying. Also before I get back to the quilt I’m going to make a second one for flatmate’s 21st birthday next month. That will be fun… trying to do it in secret! Sewing isn’t exactly quiet… I’m hoping to get the two sides quilted before I go home at the end of the month so I can use my mums machine to do the embroidery stitching, I’m sure her machine will have a much larger range than mine. I will do K’s in more of an indian style, lots of deep reds and gold, and I’ll embellish a lot more. I like the simplistic look for mine, eyes and a tail were of course essential, but I didn’t feel the need for any more glitz and glamour.

Also, a HUGE thanks to Kari, I won the Flickr Pro prize she offered in her competition, and now that I have the account, I will be putting WAY more pictures up. I think I could only have like 2 sets on a the free version, but now I can organise them much better I will get more up, starting with old ones that I’d like to share, then I’ll get out the camera more often and get some new pics