InBlogNito

… finding good friends, a great man, the right job… all those things. One thing I’m struggling with at the moment though is friends. I have a few close friends, rather than lots of good friends. Many people I’ve been friends with have been into things that I’m not into, so while they’re nice enough people, I find myself cutting my losses and walking away, it’s just easier and better for me in the long run. However some friends are really great friends, genuinely nice people who really care for me and go out of their way to include me, catch up when I’m in town etc. But some of them, one in particular, is really not into the same things as me. She drinks lots, smokes, indulges in illicit substances, has endless minimum wage jobs (we actually met at uni, she’s recently graduated with her bachelors), has a nice boyfriend who works hard and looks after her, but again, the dodgy business is going on with him too. And all she wants to do is get married and have kids - not something that mixes well with the rest of her chosen lifestyle. However, she’s getting her wish and getting married next February. And because she considers us such good friends, she has invited me. It’s not pity invite or a way to boost numbers, she has plenty of other friends, she genuinely wants me to be there. I’ve just booked flights to go (it’s a long weekend and in my home town, otherwise I’d be making excuses probably), I’ll dress up and buy a gift, and I am genuinely happy for her. They’re a great couple and have been together for ages, and they’re happy together.

Every time I go home I do intend to catch up with the very few people I do consider friends there, but when I’m usually there for 2 days, or 3 max, I just don’t have time. A day of rest just enjoying being home, a day with my bff and her kids and a day with my family and I’m done, it’s time to get back on the plane. So since I left for good (3 years yesterday), I’ve think I’ve caught up with this friend twice, definitely no more than three times. It’s so hard, how long can I keep this up for? Even if I do have time to catch up, I usually put it off till it’s too late, because getting drunk and going out to icky clubs just isn’t my scene, and a catch up over a coffee is turns to stories of what happened that weekend she was on whichever substance.

But it’s so hard to cut ties when she is such a genuine friend to me. What to do? For now I’m committed to the wedding at least, and it will be nice to see her on her big day… but what next? I don’t think I can stand by and watch her have kids at this rate… soon after the wedding they are also moving away, so I guess the pressure will be off when I’m there at least. It feels wrong to be relieved about it though!

In order to meet my own personal goal of blogging Monday to Friday, I’m in bed with the laptop before I get up for moving day. I can’t guarantee that the internet will work right away at the new house, it’s may take a day or two, we’ll see. Hopefully I’ll be back up and running in time for Monday’s post, which will be the tour of my new house, all unpacked and settled in!

For today though I thought I’d give an update on the lawyer. I need to stop referring to him like that really… although he is currently even more powerful with a temporary role filling in for the big boss. Anyway, things are good. Things picked up where they left off once he arrived home again, although it was about a month before I actually got to see him. Now it’s been about another 3 weeks. And actually, it’s not bothering me at all! I have been super busy with school work and then once everything was done I was out of town for the weekend, and now he is out of town for a whole week.

I spoke to him while I was away and he suggested I come over Sunday night, but I said I got in really late and he said he’d call me during the week from out of town. Then when I got home, the minute I walked in the door I just didn’t want to be here. I called him up but we were both yawning away and he didn’t take the bait. We chatted for a while then hung up. Even though I rang him in between, he still called me on Tuesday, like he said he would! This is such huge progress from the times when he would never call. So hopefully we see each other soon. I’m kind of looking forward to being able to have people over at my house without flatmates (I’ve never invited him over here!) but at the same time I’m precious about my space, I’ve had bf’s completely invade and take over my life, so I’m very cautious about letting people into my own personal spaces.

A friend of mine said ‘I think you’re going to make it with him’. Which she says wishfully about everyone I meet anyway (I also avoid introducing guys to her because the first two questions she asked are ‘when are you get married?’ and ‘when are you having babies?’ lol). My response this time was it’s inevitable that we will go our separate ways. We’re both depressed over-eaters, he drinks too much (which worries me of course, but seeing as I’m not his gf, I just let it go, he knows it’s bad and it’s up to him to change things, I’m not in a position to nag him about it), and he doesn’t want children. Can’t have children as a matter of fact, and this is non-negotiable for me (assuming I can have children one day!), the number is negotiable, but there will be at least one. For now though, I’m enjoying having a ‘relationship’ without having the pressure, and he treats me really well (draws baths, cooks, always has a nice sav in the fridge!) despite the rocky start (more than 18 mths ago now).

See you all next week! Thanks for all the comments and good wishes re moving and the job, I’m still not sure if/how people like responses, but I will make notes on the blog at least, if not reply by email.

Hope you all take note of the newest edition to my blog roll over there —>

This links to the 52 Weeks of Community project I’ve been a member of since the beginning of the year when it started. I can’t say I’ve taken part in every week’s task, but I have undertaken most! We reached a milestone this week, 26 weeks, halfway through! It’s heaps of fun and you should check it out if you haven’t already.

This time yesterday I was checked into my room at the hospital and the nurse was running around like a mad-woman, I don’t think she knew what she was doing! Finally got down to surgery at about 2:30pm. They were all waiting and waiting and waiting for me. That nurse? Forgot to take me down to theatre after they rang and told her they were ready. Tells you how great she is… Luckily when I woke up shifts had changed and we had a much better nurse who was very nice and clearly knew a lot more about what she was doing, plus she had a new nurse following her round (new to the hospital, not to nursing!) so I had two of them taking care of me.

Everything is fine, now at least. There was endometriosis in three places and they cut it all out. I have pics if anyone wants to see the before and after of my insides! Ew So I’m feeling fine, they pump you full of some gas to inflate the area, and even though they deflate you, apparently some of that gas likes to travel to your shoulders, so a little sore there. Plus I had to sleep sitting up first last night cos when I lay down I could breathe for the pain under my ribcage. More of that gas apparently. Was wondering why I felt a little sore at the site of the actual surgery just now, then I realised I hadn’t taken meds in about 5-6 hours haha. Silly me. So apart from that, and moving around very slowly, things are good. All sorted now I hope! Thank you for all your support, best wishes and comments, I’m so glad that they found something. No guarantees, but things should get a whole lot better soon and this fatigue that has plagued me for soooo long should go away.

And, of course, some of you are waiting to hear about my Saturday night. It was great! He was the perfect gentlemen (once he finished playing around with his very expensive new speakers that he’d been working on all day. They are cooler than his car apparently. His car is a Porchse!). He had dinner in the oven (roast chicken!) and kept me topped up on wine. He even had cheese and crackers ready, how many guys would think of that?! We watched a couple of movies (would highly recommend Life as a House and Fallen if you haven’t seen them already). It was very lovely and he was very concerned that I was having surgery in two days time. I was very tired and a little distracted so I explained why. Plus he plays a role in the industry so he knows procedures and ailments, and it was good to name drop my surgeon. He hadn’t heard of him, which is a good thing as he deals with the dodgy ones!

It gets even better too. He text me last night to say that he hoped surgery went well and telling me to take care etc. How sweet! I would not have expected that from him at all a couple of months ago. He was the only person to text in fact, most people had sent well-wishes in advance and I said I’d catch up with them today. But still, the one and only text I get on the day was from him. Yes, copious amounts of undeserved swooning… I’ll blame the anaesthetic

This could be the first and last of these…. at least on this particular day each year. However I was going for some sense of austerity for the occasion

This weeks task for Shai’s 52 WoC project is to find out more about your readers. I can look in the stats I collect (but rarely look at anyway) and see where you all come from, and those that comment, I can read your blogs and find out more that way. Even then, I try to remain largely anonymous, and some of you will be the same. For the most part you’re all rather mysterious, and sometime I forget that there is a real person who has sat at their computer and read my post and maybe commented. I’m trying to come out of my shell now, and encourage you to do the same. Please leave a comment, even if it’s just to say ‘hi, I’m here, I read your blog’ (no need to comment on the terrible writing skills I have tho!). If you’re up for it, tell me more: where you live, how you found my blog, link me to your own blog, and tell me an interesting fact about yourself, or about something interesting happening in your life at the moment.

Thanks, and I look forward to finding out more about you all! 

So…. I’m a tad over the deadline, but I have a very good excuse, the dog ate my wireless connection last night. And flatmate was using my PC. So seeing as it is still Sunday in some parts of the world, and Shai is probably still asleep (or only just going to bed!), I’m going to hope this is just in time to be included. This weeks 52WoC challenge is to give a Blog Star award. I knew right away who to give it to, and I’m likely not the only one (I haven’t checked, so I’m not copying anyone!).

So…… *drumroll* This weeks Blog Star award goes to…..

Shai!!! 

And now I present your badge to you….

Shai, you are simply inspirational, and I’m so glad I got the opportunity to take part in the 52 Weeks project right from the start. I love reading your blog, it’s so varied with everything from inspiration to practical tips. You’ve helped me become a more active part of the community with the project and Twitter etc. I am also constantly amazed that you are able to keep up your blog and several others you write for, work for your company, take beautiful photos, arrange self portraits that are always stunning, reply to your comments, twitter so often and many more things AND on top of all that you’re a dedicated mum and wife.

Congratulations!! 

So… I got those signs I was looking for. I got home yesterday after a huge walk (that’s a whole other post in itself!) and found a missed message on MSN… then I opened up my iGoogle homepage and saw this post in my feed… then today I woke up to an email from Kari who said the suspense is killing her! We can’t have that, so….

…I admit, it was me! I sent Kari the Barnes and Noble gift card.

I had a bookmark clean out a little while ago, and found Kari’s wishlist. I think there was something i wanted on it, which is why I bookmarked it. There was no reason for me to keep the list now, but for some reason, unknown to me at the time, I didn’t delete that bookmark. Then when Shai gave some ideas about how to Support-a-Blogger for Week 3’s project, I thought ‘ah-ha! That’s why I kept that list bookmarked’. I wanted to say thanks to Kari for introducing me to the project, along with many other reasons, including those I mentioned more cryptically in the last post.

Thank goodness it arrived! I’m always nervous about buying something online, I’m not a big Amazon user because of my location (I once bought a book for $0.37. The shipping was about $10 lol). I don’t know why they stuffed up on the address, but thankfully it made it to you anyway! Enjoy shopping, and let me know what you end up getting Kari .

Despite my many downfalls (yea, I know I’m not afraid to be bitch!) I do consider myself a fairly generous person where I can be. Often the easiest way to do this is to buy a gift, especially when you’re as uncreative as I am! After being a student for almost 4 years and then spending the past year living from pay day to pay day while paying off some of the debt I accumulated, I’m finally in a place where I can be more generous with gifts and such like. For my brothers birthday this week I offered him flights to where I live (and free accommodation of course!) so he is going to keep an eye out for a good concert and will come and visit sometime soon for that. I was excited to be able to think of something a little more creative than the usual CD or DVD, especially as he sent me two gorgeous pieces of jewellry from London for my last two birthdays (he has returned home now, I don’t have to fly him here all the way from London!)

This week Shai set us the task of supporting a blogger by being generous. As soon as I was done reading the post I had just the thing in mind. I have thus far ignored the trust theme of Shai’s instructions, as I’m waiting for a sign that my generosity has been received. I sent a little something to someone to say thanks for sharing with me, and many others, their life, both the ups and downs, and for inspiring me to be a little more optimistic, to take the time and make the effort to get into the spirit of things and to make the most of the good times. That’s all I’ll say for now….

In addition to this, I have also spent the weekend baking for a friend who is a little closer to home. I have an online friend who I have been chatting to for many years now, though the chance to meet has never presented itself. He always remembers my birthdays and sents me a gift at christmas time, as well as helping me out in many other ways over these years. This week he sent me a new cord for my laptop charger along with some discs full of all sorts of funny clips and pictures that will provide hours of amusement! This is just one of many examples of his generosity. I bake quite often, and being a woman, am able to multi-task and chat online at the same time without burning everything! Anyone who’s ever tasted my baking has been completely won over (I can’t show modesty here, I rock in the kitchen, there’s just no two ways about it!), and N has always been intrigued by my love of baking but never been able to sample any. For my birthday last year he even sent me a cookbook full of all sorts of yummy things to make. This weekend I have tried out a couple of recipes as well as whipped up a batch of my infamous-and-never-fails-to-please russian fudge, and have prepared a package to send to N:

I checked the weather at his place for the next couple of days, and there’s a cold front coming through, so these should be ok on his doorstep for the day. I’ll send them on the overnight courier tomorrow (after walking carefully to work with them in my bag!). The chocolate covered balls are apricot truffles on the inside, they are yummy!

I’m looking forward to finding out how other people have shown their generosity this week, though of course the point is not to brag about it. Generosity should be accompanied by virtuosity and modesty, but it would be great to hear the creative ways in which people undertook this weeks task

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Now playing: Wu-Tang Clan Old Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya
via FoxyTunes   

In and out, 45 days, 23 days, 45 days…..and I thought I was indecisive!! make up your mind!! Even I can’t help but comment, and I couldn’t really give a crap about any of these things normally.

On a more serious note…. what do you tell a friend who just found out that her parents 20+ year marriage is a sham and her Dad is gay and both her parents knew this BEFORE they got married? They are splitting up now. Talk about a double blow! Just separating is bad enough, without finding out they were lying for all that time!

I’m no good at all this type of friend stuff. My parents are still in sweet sickly love, pretty sure no one in my family is gay, and if they were I wouldn’t have had to wait 20 years to find out. And it’s not going to be my Dad. No one all that close to me has died. No other major life events have occurred, I have led an overly sheltered life. Which is great. Cept for that when it happens to someone else, I have NO idea what to do or say!!

On a side note…. the boy’s flatmate’s gf told him ‘you better get used to it!‘ as I took advantage of his lap as a resting place for my legs last night. Really not ready for such comments! He better get used to nothing bar the fact that I’m unpredictable. An unpredictable bitch in fact.  On the upside, all his flatmates and their gf’s are really nice and friendly!! NO ONE in this city knows how to drive a car or indicate (almost got hit 6 times in an hour yesterday, among other very annoying incidents). But once you’re inside their homes they’re all very nice apparently. It makes a change from ye olde city where driving is more predictable but my many many many flatmates were all weirdos/freaks/assholes/druggies/bitches/other miscellaneous faults.

Wow, it’s been over a month since I posted… apologies to the few people who still visit from time to time! And thanks

So lots has been happening lately, so I’m gonna summarise:

Yay’s:

• I have a job!! Going to be working in the education sector, advising important people on policy for special education, which will be super interesting I hope. I don’t start till the 26th. It also pays a lot more than I was expecting
• I finally got rid of the BS that goes with being on unemployment, damn I was sick of jumping through a million hoops just to get a few dollars to pay the rent!
• I’m studying again! Was weird but great to be back in a classroom on Friday morning. My lecturer was freaking hilarious, he should be on stage as a stand-up comedian, soooo funny! That paper is about bureaucracy’s in the western world (seeing as I’m now a ‘bureaucrat’ it’s quite fitting! I can spend he next 38 weeks defending my peeps hehehe). And I’m doing an education policy paper. So that’s 37 hours and 55 minutes a week of work (seriously, that’s what my contract says) and 15-20 hours of study a week….
• I have a little wee crush on someone. I met him at one of my temping assignments! He’s a hot lawyer It’s been FOREVER since I met someone that I was actually really attracted to. There have been ‘things’ along the way, but nothing I ever wanted to pursue for anything serious. At this stage I still can’t say I know him that well, but I want to get to know him, it’s just a little hard cos he’s so busy with work, having to travel out of town etc. So I’m just patiently waiting… a little worried he might meet someone else in the mean time! He has some issues from a recent breakup tho, so I don’t think he’s going to rush into anything. Hopefully I will see him again next week for a lunch date, I’ll keep you posted!
• I been going to the gym in morning before my temp work that I’m doing in the mean time. Okay, so I actually went twice. But it’s a start! It’s really good, I’ve been sleeping crappy anyways, so getting up at 6:30 is no problems, I’m usually awake anyway! So great to get my exercise out of the way for the day, by lunchtime you forget you were even there. This is going to be part of my new routine. It also means I can get a ride to town instead of catching the stupid train.

Boo’s

• It’s still a while till I start work, so even longer till I see a paycheck. I also need to temp in the mean time. Temping is awful. I sit around doing NOTHING all day everyday. Reception jobs are the worst, cos you are tied to a desk all day too. At the moment I’m actually temping where I have my permanent job, but in a different area. I was supposed to be in the same building the lawyer is in! But the people I’m working for moved buildings Not that it would have mattered, seeing as he is away most of the two weeks I’m working!

So that’s it really… lots of good things happening! Or about to happen… I’ve been waiting soooo long, and now things are finally set to happen I just want them to be happening so I can get into a routine of work, study, fitness, and hopefully a bit of play time too! A financial routine won’t go astray either, I really wanna save up to head to England before my brother gets back in about June next year.

I just had a friend to stay for the weekend. Overall it was a good weekend. But he was much nicer drunk than sober! We had a great friday night out in town, but the rest of the weekend was pretty average… I dunno what I feel exactly, but I feel kinda flat now that he’s left…. it’s not like I wanted to be with this guy. In fact I was worried about the messiness that may have ensued with him being here while I got the lawyer thing happening too so I should be pleased it wasn’t so successful! I don’t even know why I’m writing about it, I can’t explain it… basically he was an ass at times, but also really nice at times so I feel I shouldn’t complain about the not so good stuff. I’m just not used to being with someone for such long periods of time. I’m very independent in that way, I like my time alone.

Even with all this new stuff happening I’m going to attempt to blog more often!

And be better at commenting so people come visit me too.